The End of a Beautiful Friendship
Over the past few years, I have changed a lot. These changes have caused me to drift apart from some friends, and closer to others. This tectonic shift in my life is not without its earthquakes, and has resulted in a couple close friends ending the relationship. It has been a source of heartache for me, but I can either mope around about it, or use it to continue growing.
Here are some lessons I am saying mostly for my own benefit, but maybe you will find them useful as well.
Yes, it is your fault.
The common denominator in all our social strife is us. You might not be an inherently toxic person, but you are the one who chose friends who consider you to be toxic. In any case, we all tend to underestimate our role in a broken relationship. Be willing to ask "if this was 100% my fault, what would I have to do differently to stop it from happening again?"
Odds are you won't be able to fully answer this question (because it probably isn't 100% your fault), but I'm willing to bet money that you're better calibrated than you were before.
No, the other person is not an idiot, monster, or crazy person.
Everyone's actions and feelings make sense to them internally, as much as yours do. When someone sends you *that* email or message, it can be tempting to get defensive, but try to be charitable and deliberate in how you respond. Maybe even sleep on it before responding.
Do not gossip about the other person, or criticize them to mutual friends
There's no surer way to become the toxic person they think you are by talking about them behind their back.
Time is your friend
If short delays in the conversation to gather your thoughts are not acceptable for you or the other person, then the conversation was never worth having.
Something something social battery something
Don't try to salvage every relationship. Friends should be the kind of people who recharge your batteries, not drain them. If someone is trying to end your relationship, that is strong evidence against compatibility, even more so if this is a regularly occurring conversation.